You're Depressed Because You're Not Living in Alignment with Your Values.
✨ Coming From a Capricorn & Eldest Daughter ✨
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We’re starting this edition off with an assignment you need to do RIGHT NOW and come back. Take this quiz on your Human Values. You can knock it out in 5 minutes.
You’re back now? OK, let’s go. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I entered the workforce in 2016, it’s that if you don’t take a break, your body will for you. Whether you want it to or not. And this is a tough pill to swallow for me as a Capricorn & Eldest Daughter, because much of my value and purpose is tied up in my ambition and drive for success. But TWO sabbaticals in less than a decade of post-collegiate work has humbled me. Blind ambition is just insanity in sheep’s clothing.
Now, it’s all fine & dandy to find value in titles and salaries that others find impressive or aspirational BUT the key here is re-defining what success looks like FOR YOU. Too often, my metrics of success were solely extrinsic — this compensation package, this shiny title, this level at a FAANG, etc. And like I said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with defining success this way. It just can’t be the *only* way. We have to de-center our roles as cogs in a capitalistic, corporate regime from our own individual identities. Because when life hits us hard and we fall off track toward a promotion or a raise, we realize that while we were busy striving for more, life was happening with less. Life was and is actively passing us by. The flaw with these type of goals is that they are future-bound and often times, when we meet them, we just move the goalpost to yet another target. It had always been my goal to make “6 figures” because that’s how my parents often defined success for their children. And I remember the day at Google that I finally did it, I took myself out for drinks and the very next day, I went back to working plotting on how I could get to $200K/year. The flaw here is that:
#1 — this goal was not defined by me, i.e. it did not resonate with me intrinsically and
#2 — therefore, once it was achieved it meant little to nothing to me because it was simply a number, a notch in my belt, a mile marker
Bottom line is: extrinsic goals demand & require context to be meaningful. i.e., I want to make $200K per year because my core values surround freedom (physical & time freedom). I realized I need BOTH internal & external measures of success on short and longterm timelines. What would it look like to set WEEKLY goals for yourself? Goals that mattered. NOT A TO-DO LIST. But a weekly derivative of the larger goals that we set for ourselves. Not the fake goals that people tell us we need to have (I’m not gonna go to that FUCKING pilates class, girliepop) — the real ones that make life fruitful and meaningful. Let’s go with some examples below.
Extrinsic: I want to be a Director at a Tech company.
Intrinsic: I want the autonomy and strategic freedom that often comes with leadership.
But Why? Which of my values align to this? Actually all 3 — Achievement, Self-Direction, and Power.
If you don’t know your values, this is a reminder to take the quiz here. No shame if you don’t know, I didn’t know my values either. I basically operated under the premise of “just give me some more mf $$$” for most of my career. My big (3) are Achievement, Self-Direction, and Power. Very Capricorn-Coded.
From here, you need to do an audit of your daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly actions that align with your values. When I’ve been LEAST happy with my life (i.e. just earlier this year in the deepest depression of my life), it was because none of my thoughts, actions, or outcomes were aligning with my values. It felt like near-constant striving without purpose. So extrapolating from my values, my short-term goals look like this:
Achievement
At Work: Focus on Influencing + Managing Up in my role in order to drive creator success; create initiatives that resonate with my reasons for being at Howl (creators getting to a BIG 💰💰💰 is my Roman Empire)
Out of Work: 10,000 steps per day because my blood pressure is WILDIN, posting consistently to TikTok/Reels (get my first 10K views video on IG, and 1K views video on Tiktok - I did it!)
Self-Direction
At Work: Showcase yourself as a leader in the field by taking new courses around creator growth strategy; talk to more creators and learn their ways of working that have led to success
Out of Work: READ! I cannot lead myself with knowledge; purchase and read hard copy books that help you focus on the areas you’re not strong in (conflict resolution, long term discipline when passion has died out, etc.)
Crucial Conversations // So Good They Can’t Ignore // Humorous Quotes // Do The New You
(Also — Quick Reminder that all books at Salvation Army are .99! I go every week and pick out new things to read 📚)
Power
This revolves around being respected by my peers + credibility in the tech/creator/fashion space.
At Work: Focusing in on being a strong people manager & individual contributor by consistently seeking monthly feedback from CEO, Manager, and direct reports (this is hard for me!)
Out of Work: Joining organizations, attending events, and acting in a leadership capacity where I find my work most meaningful (ex: AKA Grad Chapter, The Gathering Spot)
I say all of this say, you’re likely depressed and/or constantly anxious because yes, you need SSRI’s but also because:
Your habits don’t align with your values
Your measures of success are fully extrinsic and long-term so they don’t allow you to live in present day
Your goals lack context as to how they actually contribute making your life meaningful.
You can change that. Right now — today. It’s one of the few things that gave me more hope and gratitude in my everyday life. But we can’t do any of this work without taking a beat to pause, reflect, and rest. We cannot do any of this in a fight or flight response. Bottom line: you need a Sabbatical. We’ll talk about that next week 😉